New Mommy Confessions - Part 3

• I absolutely HATE it when you ask a mom how old her kid is and she says something like "Oh, she's 47 weeks old."  WTF?!  How old is 47 weeks?  I mean, it sounds like a lot of weeks.  Is she driving yet?  Is it even a year?  Hell, I don't know.  First of all, how many weeks are in a year?  Four weeks in a month times twelve...plus some other days...carry the one.  Ugh.  I always have to pause and think about this, leading to an awkward gap in conversation while I mentally count on my fingers and toes.  Please don't make me do math!  This just makes me feel incredibly dumb and plain sorry I even asked.  I don't even really care how old your stupid kid is, I was just asking to be polite.  For the love of all things holy, just give me an easy answer!  "Well, she's almost a year."  Cool!  Thank you!  Can we, as moms, put an end to this nonsense?  Let's say after 12 weeks we start going by months.  And then after 16 months, we start going by years.  Deal?

• Well, I still haven't lost the baby weight.  Like any of it.  Actually, I may be gaining again.  Just throwing that out there to make you feel better about yourself.  You're welcome.

• Remember way back when I first announced that I was pregnant and told you that I'd still have non-baby related material on this blog?  I lied.  But I didn't mean to!  I just never realized that my life would be SO consumed with all things baby.  I figured I'd still have a little "me time" here and there, but I guess not.  I've been racking my brain for material for a non-baby post but I got NOTHING.  My life has been taken over!  I have done nothing blog-worthy without the munchkin in the past six months.  I haven't been anywhere, done anything, made anything, bought anything, seen anything or even eaten anything worthy of sharing.  I'm tempted to apologize, but I don't really care.  I love that everything is different and everything is baby.  He's my WHOLE life.  I'm ok with that.  I guess that officially makes me a mommy-blogger...welcome to my life.

• Last week Mac FINALLY slept through the night. Once.  Hallelujah!  Cue the choirs!  One glorious night of sleeping EIGHT WHOLE HOURS.  However, neither Ryan nor I actually managed to get a full night's sleep that night because we were both so shocked that he was still sleeping that we each checked on him repeatedly throughout the night to make sure he was still alive. Fail.

• The Elf on the Shelf is fucking creepy.  I'm not crazy brave enough to actually have an Elf, but I have  nightmares about the Elf murdering me in my sleep just from seeing other people's Elf pictures.  He's in the pantry eating the food, he's playing with the kid's toys, he's hiding in the bathroom with a razor blade just waiting for me to come in there in the middle of the night.  Please stop!

• Babies do not respect hangovers.  They don't care that mommy's head hurts way bad.  So.Rude.

• I took Mac to get his holiday pictures taken at our photographer's studio.  She had a little bed set up with Christmas lights on it and Mac would NOT stop sucking/chewing on the Christmas lights.  She kept asking me if that was okay (because there's real electricity running through them) and I was like, "Oh yeah, sure, he's totally fine."  She got a couple really cute photos, one of which was Mac's entire mouth open and lit up by all the Christmas lights that he'd stuffed in there.  Only when she mentioned that she probably wasn't going to put that one on her blog for fear that child services would be called did I realize that it probably wasn't a good idea to let him have his way with the lights.  Oops!  All in the name of a good photo.

• I told my husband that we got rid of all the Halloween candy, but I have a secret stash of candy that he doesn't know about.  Well I did, until last night when I ate it all at 2:00 a.m. when I was up with the baby.  What is it about a crying baby that makes me need to eat 19 mini Twix bars?

• I'd ALMOST go back to breastfeeding the baby just for the breast milk poop.  Formula baby poop is the most godawful hideous fowl smelly shit EVER.  Heaven help me when he starts eating food for real.

• I was outside with Mac the other day and started singing to him.  Suddenly, I have this hallucination that all the woodland creatures came out from hiding to sing and dance with us, Disney princess style.  I was twirling around in a dress and the birds came down and sat on my shoulder before tying my hair up with a bow...and the squirrels brought Mac gifts of acorns and nuts...and the rabbits brought us flowers and snuggled up in Mac's lap.  I REALLY NEED MORE SLEEP.

New Mommy Confessions:

Part 1

Part 2