Hello lovelies. Today I'm guest blogging over at The Girl in the Red Shoes. Julie has a wonderful series for new moms called "The Breastfeeding Diaries." Each week she features a blogger/mama to share her breastfeeding experience. Today it's my turn. To be honest, I am really sensitive about my breastfeeding experience, since it definitely didn't go as I hoped it would. This was a tough post for me to write and share. I hope you'll stop by and read it. Please be kind.
And if you found this blog from Julie's, WELCOME! I hope you'll stick around for a while. :)
I just read your post and I'm in awe of how scary similar my experience was. I was ashamed to admit it and still talked about "nursing" when really I was pumping and bottle feeding. Our little guy wouldn't latch without falling asleep. He was a preemie, so in order to get him out of the hospital he had to learn to eat, and the nurses forced us to the bottle after two failed days of nursing. I kept trying at home and it was beyond exhausting. My supply was in full force, but our little guy would only eat for a few minutes. So i would try to nurse, pump and repeat. It was exhausting, challenging and emotionally unbearable. THANK YOU for sharing your story and making me feel better that I'm not the only one that struggled. Your a great mom and KUDOS for going 7 months! I just stopped pumping too - and our guy was exclusive BM for 6 months and transition between both (frozen and formula) now. I think we'll have a freezer stock until he's about 81/2-9 months old. But thats only 2 BM bottles/day. THANK YOU again for sharing. My heart aches for what you went through, but it makes me feel better to know that I experienced a very similar situation and I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteHoly, amazing story. I had no idea. Breast feeding IS hard, I feel like they should tell women this at prenatal appointments. They shouldn't let them assume it's easy, everyone can do it, it works all the time etc. It definitely didn't for me.
ReplyDeleteLove your style of writing - huge props to you for pumping exclusively. I admire you for that, I couldn't imagine!
So glad you shared your story on Julie's blog. You are amazing! That is such dedication and Mac is lucky to have you as a Mommy. I know you helped so many women reading and struggling with the same thing. It is NOT easy and everyone has their issues.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your story today Sara...it's touched so many people!
ReplyDeleteOur stories have many similarities as well, Sara! My experience started off quite positive with the exception of the engorgement pain and all of that in the beginning, but things went downhill around 6 weeks when J began having reflux issues. I didn't realize what was going on at first, only that she was SCREAMING every time I tried to nurse her. Before I knew it, my supply plummeted. I worked hard to pump after each failed feeding to get things back where they were, and I ultimately resorted to EP-ing as well which I did until 6 months. I was like you...stressed all the time about constantly being hooked up to the thing, the ounces pumped, then washing all that crap on top of bottles all the time. It was too much, and I "gave up." I felt very judged by friends because I'd heard how they'd talked about others who had "failed" to nurse their babies, and it made me MAD. Moms are too hard on each other. I was much less stressed once I gave up the pump, and I feel like at the very least, I am more informed for the next one. Anyway, you are definitely not a failure! Kudos to you for doing what is best for Mac AND you....us moms still matter, too! :)
ReplyDeleteI pumped for 7 months so I know exactly where you're coming from. I wish things had been different, but I'm super proud of myself for being that dedicated when what we did was the hardest road there is. I hope that if/when we're blessed with a second baby, that I'm able to nurse, but if not, I'm prepared to pump for awhile. Maybe not 7 mos, but now I know what to expect and I have the tools to do it. For example, a hands-free bra made pumping a whole new ballgame.
ReplyDeleteBut damn if I don't love having my boobs back. (and I'm sure my hubs would agree.)
I can't wait to get my boobs back...almost there!
ReplyDeleteThis was SUCH a sweet post, Sara. Made me want to crawl through the computer and give you a hug and then a fist pound for trying so incredibly hard. I cannot imagine being an exclusive pumper---so, so hard. I feel like the internet and blogs can make a topic like 'breastfeeding' so judgmental and I wish it wasn't the case. Because you did an amazing job for Mac---no doubt you love that kid more than words. Kudos, mama.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely heading over to read your story. Nursing is my favorite topic right now. No one warned me how physically, mentally and emotionally draining nursing is. I swear I was a crazy woman the first couple weeks because I thought I was the only one that ever went through hell. Aaaahh. Going to read your story now :)
ReplyDeleteIt didn't go well for me either. I will check it out!
ReplyDeletexoxo
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Wow, You tried so hard. I'm so sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted it to, but don't beat yourself up or feel guilty because you tried your best. Thats great that you were able to feed him breastmilk for 7 months. I tried breastfeeding too. It didn't work out for us. I just didn't ever have enough to feed Jackson. At 3 weeks we had to start supplementing because he was losing too much weight. I continued to try and would pump to see how much I was getting. It was only like 1 to 2 ounces a session. :-( I tried herbal supplements to help produce more milk, but it just didn't work. He was thriving and growing great with formula and a bottle of breastmilk as often as I could give him one. After a little while longer I just eventually dried up. It was stressful as I felt guilty too. But I had to tell myself there was absolutely nothing I could have done. My body just wasn't cooperating I guess. Jackson latched fine and would have breastfed like a champ had I just had enough milk for him. He would want to breastfeed for hours at a time trying to get enough to eat. :-( It was hard and I cried, but he is happy and healthy and growing strong, so thats whats most important.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I nominated you for a blog award. Go check it out at my blog. :-)
I didn't have the experience I wanted either... I don't think I ever pumped more than 3 ounces total. It was enough for the first couple of months If I pumped all the time on top of breast feeding but eventually she was hungry all the time and I just wasn't producing enough. I actually wish I had switched to formula a little earlier because now I worry she was hungry all the time in those few weeks.:( We do the best we can. It took me awhile to get over it but honestly now that I've had time to "mourn", I wonder why I let myself get so stressed and upset about it. I hope you find peace over time as well.
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