A Few Favorite Blogs

Well, I knew it was bound to happen.  I've totally flaked out on this "Blog Every Day in May" challenge.  This was much harder than I anticipated!  Turns out, I don't have oodles of free time to sit around and come up with hilarious daily blog posts, accompanied by gorgeous photos and witty banter.  Who knew?!  Yeah, I did.  I knew it'd be impossible.  And yet, that didn't stop me!  I like a good challenge.  And I'm not afraid to fail!  How about that!  Anyway, moving on...  

Day 19 of the "Blog Every Day in May" challenge:

"Five of your favorite blogs and what you love about them"

1. Dear Baby

This may just be my favorite blog in the whole wide world (and that's saying a lot).  I have a serious girl-crush on Melissa.  Her writing is extraordinary and simultaneously makes me feel like I've gone back in time and am a part of her family.  I've been reading her blog since she was pregnant and started writing letters to the baby girl in her belly, who is now an active and imaginative three year old.  When she announced she was pregnant with her son I was just as excited for her as I would be for a close friend.  It's so obviously from her blog that she loves being a mother and doesn't take a minute for granted.  I love that about her.  And I love how I've grown as a mother right along with her.  This may sound weird, but I remember watching a video of Everly bouncing in her jumperoo  over and over again when I was desperately wanting to get pregnant and just crying because it was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen.  I wanted a baby so badly it hurt and yet that video (for whatever reason) made me so hopeful that I'd have a little jumping bean someday too.  I don't know - see, that sounded weird, didn't it?  But anyway, I love this blog.

2. Explore.Dream.Discover. (formerly "From Portland to Peonies")

Liz is a Portland native currently living abroad in Amsterdam with her hubby and pup.  Her blog is filled with gorgeous photography, amazing travel stories, beautiful fashion and adventure.  I'm fascinated with Americans living abroad (fascinated = insanely jealous) and this blog definitely fuels my wanderlust.  

3. The Egg

Speaking of being insanely jealous of where someone lives, meet Meagan, who lives in Jackson Hole, WY.  Her blog is filled with gorgeous photography, hilarious stories, great fashion, mountain adventures, food, fun and my favorite place in the continental U.S. (Jackson Hole).  One of these days I'm going to get back out West and stalk invite Meagan  out for a drink.  I'm pretty sure we'd be best friends.  Or my husband would leave me for her.  Either way.  

4. Hello Happiness

Natasha is one of the sweetest little mamas out there blogging.  I just adore her blog, her style, her sense of humor, her Southern charm, her gorgeous little girl (with another on the way)...well, basically everything.  She seems so down to earth and fun.  I've loved following along as she planned her gorgeous wedding and it's been amazing watching her become a mom.  We were pregnant at the same time (she was a few months ahead of me), so I had the benefit of seeing what she wore (and then ordering it), what she registered for (and then registering for it), etc.  She's been a great resource for all things mommy.  

5. sKIDmarks

This little blog may be the best kept secret in mommy-hood.  Hannah is a fellow St. Louis mama with 3 daughters, ages 1, 2 and 3.  I was introduced to this blog a few years ago and cannot get enough.  To say Hannah's hilarious is the biggest understatement of the year.  I love the foul language, the sass, the desperation in her posts.  Not for the faint of heart.  She most certainly does not sugar-coat being a parent and yet manages to make it all sound absolutely hilarious and crazy and awesome.  

Happy First Birthday, Baby Mac

Dear Baby Mac,

Today you turn one year old.  Happy birthday, my love.  I can't believe it's been a whole year since you came into this world and turned our lives upside down.  From the moment we saw you, we were already so madly in love with you.  How could we not be, you were tiny and pink and absolutely perfection.  You cried loudly when you came out, which I think pierced a giant hole in my heart and allowed your voice to enter and live there.  From that moment on, I knew you, even before I saw your beautiful face, your giant feet and those LONG legs.  How you ever fit inside me still blows my mind.

 Those first few days (and weeks) with you were rough.  I'm not going to lie.  I cried a lot.  I struggled with being patient.  I lost my temper a few times.  I was so worried about every little thing and was just trying desperately to be the best mama I possible could.  I still worry about everything.  I don't think it's something that I'm going to be able to change anytime soon.  I'm a mama - worrying is how I show love.  You weren't an "easy" baby.  But you also weren't the worst baby in the world, by any means.  You challenged us.  You continue to do so daily.  I like that.  The pediatrician called you "spirited."  I like that too.

As the days slipped by we got to know each other better and better.  I learned to anticipate your needs.  You learned how to let me know what you needed.  I learned your language. You started learning mine.  By the time maternity leave was over, I finally felt like I just might be getting the hang of this whole "mommy" thing.  Leaving you that first day back to work was one of the hardest things I've ever done.  But little one, I know that you know just how much you're loved and that my career is important to me.  Definitely not more important than you, but it's a way for me to be a role model for you, and that's very important.  I want you to grow up knowing that women can do anything men can do and I want you to be proud of me.  I think going back to work has made me a better mother to you.  It's forced me to be more present in your life when I am with you. I truly look forward to every minute we get to spend together and try to appreciate every moment - even the rough, middle of the night, crying ones.

This year has just been amazing.  I get up every day and look forward to what you're going to do next.  I can't get enough of the tiny little person with the big personality that I've come to know.  I will say, you are SO much like me sometimes, it's scary.  When I found out we were having a boy, I guess I automatically assumed that you'd be just like your dad.  And maybe you will be.  But right now, you are so...ME.  You have my impatience and demanding attitude.  You pout like me.  You get angry and frustrated like me.  You want what you want and that's ALL you want.  But you're also determined and relentless like me.  You never give up.  I think that will serve you well in the future.  You like doing things on your own and don't want help, just like me.  You're also smart as a whip, which I like to think comes from me, but is probably just as much from your daddy.    

I can't believe how much can change in a year.  You're no longer a lump of baby, you're a little man.  You walk and talk and eat steak with your four little teeth.  You chase the dogs and give them treats (you're very generous with your food).  You love other kids and babies.  You dance to music, which is a funny combination of bouncing and gyrating your hips.  It's wonderful.  You smile at everyone.  You laugh with your whole body.  You give the best hugs ever.  You're a daddy's boy through and through.  

I feel like I owe you a giant thank you, little man.  Thank you for teaching me how to be a mother.  Thank you for being my own personal experiment in parenting.  We're learning how to do this together, me and you.  We're teaching each other as we go, making up our own rules and defining our own relationship.  It's not always easy, but it's always worth it.  I pray everyday that I have the courage to trust my instincts and the patience to always listen to you.  Being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's also the most incredible.  I've learned so much about myself in the last year.  I'm proud of the little person I've raised, but I also know that I have to continue to strive to do better and be a better person.   I know you'll help me with that. 

The concept of birthdays have a whole new meaning now that I've given birth.  Birthdays used to be about the birthday person, but I think there's more to that story.  So on your birthday this year (and in the years to come), I'm not only going to celebrate the day that you were born, but I'm going to celebrate the anniversary of the day we became parents.  The day I became your mama.  The day that everything changed.  The best day of my life.  

Happy birthday, my little Macaroni.  

Love, 

Your mama

10 Things I Never Want to Forget

Today is May 18.  If you remember, May 18 was my due date last year.  Wow.  Can you even believe it's gone by so fast?  I can't.  Today we're having a little birthday party at our house for our ONE YEAR OLD.  You guys!!  I have a ONE YEAR OLD!  What the what?!  Anyway.  It's ok.  I'm ok.  I'm really really OK.  Because honestly, this kid is AMAZING.  One is a great age.  I have a feeling it's only going to get better too.  I haven't met an age that I don't like yet, but one is awesome.  He's doing all kinds of fun things right now.  And because it's flying by so quickly, I want to take a few minutes to write down some of the things Mac's doing that I don't want to ever forget.  

1.  Hugs.  Mac has just started giving the most amazing bear hugs.  Both arms, wrapped around your neck tight as can be, face snuggled in.  It's the best.  His kisses have room for improvement (better aim, less tongue), but the hugs...oh, they are perfection.  I just can't get enough MacLoving.   

2.  Hair.  It's blonde and wonderful.  It's still fine (like mine), but finally starting to fill in.  The best part though, it gets a little curly in the back and over his ears!  Curls!  They kill me.  

3.  Toddling.  Mac's walk is hilarious.  It started out as a Thriller-zombie-like amble and has progressed to a drunken-sailor-like march.  He teeters and totters all over the place as he tries desperately to maintain his balance and move his feet at the same time.  He wants to run badly and those little feet just can't keep up.  And anytime he gets distracted and looks away from where he's going (which happens a lot), he falls.  He's getting better at falling and doesn't always land on his face anymore, but we still have some nasty spills occasionally.  As long as he can stay focused, he's fine.  Every day he gets a little better.

4. Squealing.  I love the excited squeal.  It's the loudest, most obnoxious, painful noise in the world, but I love it because that means he's happy!  We hear the squeal when he sees the cat, when we chase him and when he's really really excited about something (like throwing the bumper for Sage).  I try to imitate it and we echo each other back and forth until Ryan makes us stop because we're giving him a headache.  But I love it.

5.  O Face.  This is my favorite expression.  Well, other than the BIG GIANT SMILE, the O Face is awesome.  We get O Face when he's impressed or surprised, or when something's out of the ordinary.  Like right now, our entire home office is full of birthday party decorations.  TONS of them.  Banners, garland, fish, etc. Every time Mac walks in the office we get his O Face.  It's usually accompanied by a big breath in and a "ohhhhhhhh" sound.  LOVE.

(terrible photo, but you get the idea)

6.  Mac's love noises.  He's taking fewer and fewer bottles these days, but when he does (and especially in the middle of the night), he makes the most wonderful little love noises as he drinks.  He's done this (same noise) since he was born.  It's lovely.  They're such little sweet and happy sounds.  Like little happy grunts of joy.  I know that sounds stupid, but I don't know how else to describe them.  Anyway, they're the best.

7.  That baby smell.  He's lost the "newborn" smell, but he still has that little boy/baby smell that is so incredibly wonderful.  I think it's a mixture of baby and lotion and shampoo and dirt and dog.  I don't know, but I love it.  I breathe it in every night when I put him to bed and it absolutely calms me. 

8.  His pride.  I love how Mac is always so incredibly proud of himself for everything he does.  Maybe it helps that we praise him for everything (I hope we don't stop doing that any time soon), but it's absolutely adorable.  After his first few steps he plopped down on his bottom, smiled and then clapped for himself.  Finish a meal, applause!  Bathtime, standing ovation!  He's so incredibly wonderfully proud and I love that.

 9. Those big browns.  This kid has killer eyes.  He gets them from his daddy.  I cannot say no to these eyes.
 

10.  The way I feel around him.  I never want to forget the way I feel when he looks at me and smiles.  The way I feel when I'm the only person he wants in the middle of the night.  When he's waiting by the door and runs to me after work.  When I see him after a long day away.  When I tuck him in at night after playing with him all day long.  When he does something new and amazing.  When he does something he's done a thousand times before, but I'm still impressed.  The way I feel when he pats my back, touches my face or nuzzles into my neck.  The best feeling in the world.  

Favorite Photo of Myself

Day 17 of the "Blog Every Day in May" challenge:

"Favorite Photo of Yourself and Why..."

I hope you don't mind, but I skipped Day 16 (something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it).  The topic just stressed me out.  I couldn't handle it.  First of all, what is my "lot" and why is it so difficult?  What the fuck does that even mean?  What difficulties am I overcoming?  How am I coping with what I've been given?  I don't know.  I just am.  Like everybody else.  I tried to come up with something, but everything I wrote sounded wrong.  There are some personal things I would like to write about eventually, but don't feel comfortable yet.  There are things I want to say, but don't have the words.  Everything I wrote sounded cliche or generic or whiny.  My lot in life right now is pretty damn fabulous and I worked hard to get it there, so I'm not going to bitch about it.  So I'm skipping that one.  I've been assured that the blogging police will not be knocking down my door to arrest me for it. So, I'm moving on. 

Instead, I really like this prompt to chose your favorite photo of yourself.  I'm picking two: one pre-baby and one post-baby.  I feel like my life will forever be divided into these two categories, so why not.  

The photo below was one of our engagement pictures.  It was taken 4 days before our wedding.  We're at Mormon Row, a historic homestead site in Grand Teton Naitonal Park in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.  You can't see the Tetons in the back of this particular photo, but they're there.    There are so many reasons why I love this photo.  First, it was the beginning of one of the most amazing weeks of my life.  I'm totally biased, but our wedding was just MAGICAL.  The whole weekend was.  There was something about the mountains and having 60 of our closest friends and family members there to celebrate with us (and celebrate we did!) that made it perfect.  Second, Ryan and I had so much fun taking these photos.  We were madly in love (still are), about to be married and nervous and worried and just overall so damn excited we were silly.  Our photographer instructed us over and over to make-out in front of her and snuggle and hug and it was so awkward and uncomfortable we just ended up laughing through the whole shoot.  Third, I just think I look kinda pretty here - young and thin and madly in love.  And that's not a bad reason to love a photo. 

(Carrie Patterson Photography)

My favorite photo post-baby is the one below.  I just adore this picture.  I'm going to have it blown up on a giant canvas and hang in our room (eventually, when I have time, some day).  I just think it's a cute, fun photo that captures Mac and I being silly and playing, like we do a lot.  He loves being upside-down, I love those chubby baby legs in the air and I adore that he's touching my face.  I'm no longer looking young and thin, but still madly in love.  

(A Better Story Photography)

A Day in My Life

Day 15 of the "Blog Every Day in May" challenge:

"A Day in Your Life..."

I've never done a "Day in the Life" blog post so I was excited about this topic.  I love reading other bloggers posts about what they do all day, I think it's fascinating.  I guess that's the voyeur in me talking.  One of my very favorite bloggers, Julia from My Life in Transition does regular "Day in the Life" posts and I LOVE them.  She's amazing and has a zillion photos and fabulous details and fascinating stories.  I've never done one because...uh, my life is BORING, y'all.  Who wants to read about what I had for lunch and what I do at work.  Yuck.  So, feel free to skip this post if you're just not into that stuff.  However, now that I've done this, I'm kinda glad I did.  It'll be great to look back on this whole documented day and remember what life was like for us in the Spring of 2013.  Just an average day.  

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

6:45 a.m. – Baby Mac wakes up.  Ryan gets up to get him, since I took the night shift.  I was up twice with him last night – once at 11:15 p.m. and again at 2:30 a.m.  Both times he went back to bed pretty easily, but I had a harder time.  I roll over and go back to sleep for a few more minutes.  I hear him go to the bathroom, brush his teeth, wash his face...all while Mac cries in his crib to tell us he's up.  The dogs start running around because they know it's breakfast time.  UGH.  SHUT THE DAMN DOOR!  

7:00 a.m. – Construction guy shows up to finish up working on the basement.  We had water damage this year, so we’re replacing some drywall and getting new carpet installed.  He shows up at the back door and the dogs are barking their heads off.  WHY?!  I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO SLEEP FOR FIVE MORE MINUTES!  I HATE EVERYONE.

7:25 a.m. – Can’t sleep.  Of course.  I grab my phone, check email, check my calendar.  What day is it again?  I don't have a clue.  I roll out of bed, trip over a dog.  Make my way to the  bathroom to take a quick shower.  

7:35 a.m. Go get dressed.  Can't find anything to wear that fits.  Must diet.  Must diet.  Must diet.  (so not going to happen)  Blow dry hair and put it straight into a ponytail.  I also skip the makeup today.  My co-workers must seriously think I’m a total slob.  I don't give a flying shit.  My poor husband.  Also, why don't I work somewhere I could wear scrubs everyday?  That would be awesome.

7:40 a.m. – Dressed and ready.  Head downstairs with shoes and phone.  Trip over a dog.  Grab the baby from Ryan and make a giant cup of coffee.  Give him snuggles and kisses.  Try not to get food, drool, spit-up, poop or dog hair on my clothes.  Fail.  Makes scrambled eggs for Mac's breakfast and cut up a banana and some fruit.  I take a couple bites of his eggs, but am not hungry.  I'm just not into breakfast.  Would much rather have 27 cups of coffee.  

8:00 a.m. – Nanny arrives and she takes over breakfast duty and clean up.  I give her a brief update on how Mac slept the night before, talk about their plans for the day, leave any instructions or errands for her.  Today she’s going to pick up some last minute items for Mac’s birthday party this weekend.  I leave her my credit card and thank her profusely.  I love her.   Ryan comes down, says hi, kisses the baby.  We both rush out the door.  Mac cries.  I feel like a complete asshole.  I hate leaving him.  

8:10 a.m. – Drive to work.  Think about Mac.  Think about the weekend.  Think about blog posts.  Compose them in my head.  I have a list of topics on a notepad in my handbag that I look at while I’m stopped at a light.    

8:25 a.m. – Arrive at work.  A little bit late, but I’ll make it up over my lunch break.  Work, work, work.

11:15 a.m. – Text nanny to check on Mac.  He took an hour long morning nap and they’re now running errands.  She’s the best.  Back to work.

12:00 p.m. – Text from nanny that they’ve been to Target and the craft store and are out having lunch now at a local deli.  Mac’s being a ham and putting on a show for all the old ladies at the table next to him.  She says he’s fake coughing every time someone else coughs and it’s cracking her up.  She sends me a Mac photo and tells me that he loves and misses me.  I melt.  I wish I wasn't so busy right now and we could all have lunch together.  Must schedule that for next week.

1:00 p.m. – I have a can of a soup, some chips and a banana at my desk.  Still starving.  Check a few blogs over my “lunch break.”  Reply to some emails.  Prepare for my afternoon meetings.  More coffee. 

3:30 p.m. – Text from nanny that Mac only had his afternoon nap in two parts, due to a nightmare.  But he woke up in a great mood and they went for a walk outside in his wagon.  She sends a photo of him to brighten my day.  I can't get over how big he is.  And the sippy cup in the cup holder just kills me. 

4:40 p.m. – Shut off my computer and leave the office as fast as I can.  Deal with traffic.  Call Ryan to ask what we should do for dinner.  He doesn’t answer.  Listen to some awful (yet catchy) song about being twenty-twoooooooo and thank God that I’m no longer 22.  Then get sad when I realize I’m closer to 42 than to 22.  And 42 is basically 50.  Fuck, I'm old.

5:05 p.m. – Get home and let the nanny go.  She says Mac’s been awesome and in a great mood.  Get tons of hugs and kisses from Mac.  He seems so happy to see me.  Man, I love this kid.  Mac and I go upstairs so I can change clothes.  Mac wants to climb the stairs on his own, which still terrifies me because he constantly stops and turns around and wants to stand up. 

He chases the cat and pretends to make phone calls with the cordless phone while I put on yoga pants and a t-shirt.  He wants to be held and tackles me on the closet floor.  We roll around and hug and then he proceeds to throw every shoe in my closet on the floor as fast as he can (his father taught him this trick and thinks it's hilarious).

5:10 p.m. – Outside to play.  We check on the nest of baby birds living in a nest in the ceiling fan on our porch.  One fell out yesterday.  I wonder if it made it back in the nest?  We walk up and down the street.  Say hi to all the neighborhood kids.  We play in the mulch, roll around in the grass, chew on a stick.  We try out the swing, but he ain't having it.  Mainly he just wants to be held.  I talk to him about my day, he pretends to care.  We get the mail, he tries to eat it.  We check on the basement.  We see if there’s anything for dinner in the freezer (there’s not).  We try to play with some toys, but he's not interested.  We go back upstairs to see the cat, water the plants and jump on the bed.

5:40 p.m. – Mac’s starting to get whiny and wants to be held nonstop.  I can’t put him down, but do love all the hugs.  I know he misses me all day and just doesn’t want to let go yet.  Not sure if he's just tired or fussy from teething.  He's also probably sore for all the falling he's been doing lately trying to run.  I hold him and talk to him.  I can't sit down.  I can't stop moving.  He doesn't want to be in the house.  He doesn't want to do anything.  He's also trying to talk to me.  He wants to be able to tell me what he wants, but he can't get his point across and just points and grunts.  He gets so frustrated when I don’t understand.  I try to show him signs for things and he just shakes his head.

5:45 p.m. - We feed the dogs.  He gets VERY angry that he can’t eat the dog food or play in the water bowl.  On the verge of meltdown – I’m the worst mommy EVER.   Where the hell is my husband?

5:50 p.m. - I start getting his dinner ready, one-handed, while holding him.  It's hard.  He's heavy.  Oh so heavy.  Why aren't my arms buff?  I let him open and close the microwave and the cabinets, which makes him slightly happier.  I let him give Sage and ice cube.  She licks it and he puts it in his mouth.  Whatever.

5:55 p.m. – Mac has dinner in his highchair.  Tonight he’s having some leftover pasta, half a Trader Joes’ chicken burger, watermelon, Greek yogurt, pineapple and some ice cream for dessert.  He eats some of it, but he’s teething and I think his gums are bothering him.  He doesn’t eat as much as I’d like him too, but I don’t force it.  I pick at his food and wish I was having pasta and chicken burgers for dinner.  I give him the spoon and he entertains himself for a few minutes banging it, trying to put food on it and then just throwing it across the room.  Mommy plays fetch.  

6:10 p.m. - He gives me the sign for all done after swiping most of his food off his tray and onto the floor.  I let the “clean-up crew” (dogs) in to take care of the mess.  I let him wash his hands in the sink (which ends with us both being drenched) and then put him down to clean up the mess and put the dishes in the sink.  He’s still not ready to be put down and screams bloody murder.  He's got me pegged.  I pick him up and take him back outside and leave the clean-up for later.

6:10 p.m. – Ryan gets home and Mac is miraculously all better and in a great mood.  Daddy makes everything better.  He's our hero.  I hand Mac off to Ryan and fix us a cocktail.  Ryan and I get vodka, Mac gets tequila.  Just kidding.  Mac gets vodka too. 

6:15 p.m. – Ryan changes clothes and we head back outside to hang out.  Ryan throws the bumper for Sage, Mally barks her face off.  We chat about our day and about Mac's day.  We talk about our upcoming vacation and the birthday party.  We say hi to the neighbors.  We check on the baby birds again.  We walk up and down the street again.  We play with the wagon again.  We go inside to look at the basement again.  We see if there’s anything in the freezer for dinner again (there’s not…still). 

7:00 p.m. – I go upstairs and start a bath for Mac.  He comes upstairs and immediately heads down the hall to the bedroom to find the cat.  That poor poor cat.  I pretend chase him and he squeals.  We jump on the bed and he cracks up.  I strip him down for his bath.  

7:05 p.m. – Ryan gives Mac his bath.  I clean up the high chair and dinner mess.  I check email, check Facebook, check Instagram.  Sip my cocktail.  Try to decompress for 5 minutes.  I can hear Mac and Ryan upstairs playing “Duck Hunt” with Mac’s rubber ducky and blowing bubbles.  When I give Mac baths, we kiss the duck and love on him.  When daddy gives baths, it's a duck massacre and Mac claps and laughs!  He's going to be so conflicted when he gets older.  I get his bottle ready, lay out his bedtime clothes and get the white noise on in his bedroom.

7:20 p.m. – Ryan yells for “MAMA” and I run upstairs with a towel.  We take our little drowned rat downstairs to get a clean diaper and put his PJs and sleep sack on.  I grab the bottle.  We give night night kisses to daddy and the puppies and head back upstairs.  Ryan orders take out, does dishes, starts laundry, turns on the Cardinals game.

7:30 p.m. – Mac and I sit in the glider in his room and read “Moo Baa La La La” and “Good Night Moon.”  He’s not interested in the books at all tonight.  Sometimes he’ll take a little bit of his bottle, but tonight he just wants to go to bed.  We snuggle for a few minutes.  I hold his hand and sing him a song.  Every night I sing "I Will" by the Beatles and "Sweet Baby James" (changed to Sweet Baby Mac) by James Taylor.  He sings too and watches me.  He's exhausted and almost asleep.  I kiss him on the forehead, tell him good night and put him in his crib.  He’s out within seconds. 

7:45 p.m. – Ryan runs out and picks up sushi to go.  I work on birthday party projects and make us both another cocktail.  Tonight I'm making jellyfish from paper plates and ribbon.  Another genius idea from Pinterest.  There’s hot glue and ribbon EVERYWHERE.  Ryan does not understand why we need MORE party decorations.  I don't know how to stop.

8:15 p.m. – We eat dinner in the living room in front of the TV.  We have a new Deadliest Catch to watch, which makes me glad we ordered a lot of rolls with crab in them.  Mmmm…crab.  I eat so much I think I might explode.  Dessert?

9:15 p.m. – I go back in the other room to finish my project and clean up all the hot glue gun mess.  I just need to get it done so I can check it off the list.  I NEED TO CHECK SOMETHING OFF THE LIST!

9:50 p.m. – Ryan tells me he’s going to bed and hands me the video monitor.  He gives me a kiss and tells me not to stay up too late.  He lets the dogs out.  Sage goes up with him and Mally stays downstairs with me.  I go into the office and write tomorrow’s blog post and upload some photos.  I look at my "To Do" list and want to throw up.  So much to do.  Feel like I’m drowning sometimes.  I don’t know why I feel the need to take on more and more stuff.  I could stay up all night and not be anywhere close to finishing.  So overwhelmed, I just go to bed.

10:55 p.m. – I get in bed.  Check email one more time, maybe Instagram.  Wish I would have taken some photos today with the big camera.  Run through my "To Do" list for tomorrow in my head.  Close my eyes.  Within 2 minutes, the baby’s crying.  I listen for a few minutes to make sure he’s not going to put himself back to sleep (he’s not).  Get up, make a bottle, go get him.  Snuggle, rock, bottle, snuggle, kiss, back down.  Tonight he took an entire bottle (8 ounces) - he hasn't done that in a long time.  Probably because he didn't have much for dinner.  Hope he can sleep through the night now that his tummy's full. 

11:25 p.m. – I go to get back in bed and Sage is in my spot.  She looks so comfortable and I swear she smiles at me.  I feel bad moving her, but shove her over to Ryan’s side. She took all the covers with her.  I lay down and pass out. 

1:50 a.m. – Wake up to Mac crying.  More like whimpering, not a full on cry.  After a few minutes of fussing, he’s back down.  I go back to sleep.

3:00 a.m. – Kick Sage out of bed because she’s hogging my whole side and snoring.  Go back to sleep.  

And do it all over again. 

Happy Happy Happy

Day 14 of the "Blog Every Day in May" challenge:

"Ten things that make you really happy..."

1. Watching my baby with my husband.  There is something so incredibly special about that father-son bond that I will never know or understand.  Sometimes I get jealous just thinking about how much time they're going to spend together in the future, how he'll want to grow up to be just like his daddy, how he'll be able to tell him things that he can't tell me.  But then my heart fills with pride knowing that I chose the most amazing man in the world to be that person for my child.  These two are going to be the best of friends.

2. Movies with talking animals.  

3. A clean uncluttered house where all the dishes are done, the laundry's put away, the rugs are vacuumed and the counter tops are cleared off.  This so rarely happens that I'm not sure I wouldn't just die of excitement (and shock) if it did.  

4. Freckles.

5.  Cake.  Preferably chocolate cake with vanilla icing.  Lots of icing.  

6.  Baby snuggles.  And baby hugs.  And baby kisses/licks.  And baby high-fives.  

7.  Being told that you did a good job on something.  Whether it's a project at work, an invitation I sent out, or even just a good dinner I made, I truly love when people recognize and acknowledge when I do a good job at something.  Can you tell that "Words of Affirmation" are one of my Love Languages?

8.  I'm getting a nephew in September!  Did I mention that yet?  Well, I am!  And I'm so excited.  Excited to see my little brother and his wife become parents.  Excited to be an aunt again.  Excited to have a new baby to hold and snuggle and visit.  Excited for Mac to have a boy cousin (in town!) to be his partner in crime.  We're saving up money for bail now.

9.  The look on Mac's face when I walk in the door at the end of the day.

10.  Vacation.  We've got our annual Location X fishing trip coming up in a few weeks and I'm giddy at the thought of spending long days at the beach, exploring the island, lounging by the pool in the evenings, going into town for dinner of oysters and wine and ending the night in a cool dark air conditioned room with the sound of the waves outside my window.  I can't wait to see how Mac does at the beach now that he can walk.  And I'm forever indebted to my husband for taking one for the team and driving the dogs and all our luggage there, while we fly, so our whole entire family (minus the cat) can vacation together.   I owe you big, I know.  And I owe the cat.

What makes you happy right now?

Sorry!

Day 13* of the "Blog Every Day in May" challenge:

"Issue a Public Apology..."

To the guy that I cut off in traffic yesterday because I was running late and hadn't had any coffee and was listening to Ke$ha a little bit too loudly for 8:30 am...I'm sorry.

To my dear sweet husband, who has to put up with my moodiness and sass and know-it-all-ness, day after day after day...I'm sorry.

To my parents for everything naughty and bad that I did as a kid...I'm sorry (but know that I've got it all coming back to me with this kid).  

To my liver for all the damage I've done to you over the last decade...I'm sorry.

To my bank account for all the baby-related crap I've purchased instead of pretty dresses and bags...I'm sorry.  

To the hundreds of oysters and crabs that have to die so I can fill my belly with you on our beach vacation in a few weeks...I'm sorry.

To my co-workers for the number of times I've come into the office with wet hair, no make-up and two different shoes on...I'm sorry.  

To the pregnant lady I saw in the grocery store, wrangling a toddler and waddling around with a giant belly that I watched enviously just a little too long to make her slightly uncomfortable or think I was a kidnapper...I'm sorry. 

To my blog readers, who are about to be bombarded with photo overload of every single ridiculous detail of Mac's upcoming first birthday party...I'm sorry.

To my pets, who have been getting  "loved" a little too roughly by a pair of small hands lately and are now missing a few patches of fur...I'm sorry.

To Baby Mac, who gets to enjoy a lifetime of me embarrassing him with silly made-up songs, taking a million photos of everything he does and talking about him to random strangers on the internet...I'm sorry (not really).  

*I'm obviously behind a little bit on posting every day...SORRY!