WOW! Thank you all so much for your sweet comments, texts, emails, likes, thoughts, prayers and love. We are just blown away by how much love we've received over the last couple days. This truly is an amazing community of bloggers and friends. Thank you all for being so wonderful.
So, I guess it's time to answer all your questions and give you the details on Baby Girl. I've been asked over and over the same few questions, so I'll try to answer those and feel free to ask anything else that I haven't mentioned in the comments.
Anyway, on Wednesday, the day before my appointment, I had lunch with my friend Claire, where we spent a good hour over cheesecake discussing the state of my uterus and how shitty the whole infertility situation was. The funny thing is that she made some comment about my breasts looking huge and asked me if I was sure I wasn't pregnant. Apparently she has some kind of magic baby-sensing instinctual knowledge about these things (probably because she's had 4 kids). She also predicted my last pregnancy (also on the day I took the pregnancy test). That evening on my way home from work I stopped at the pharmacy and picked up yet another box of pregnancy tests. The whole ride home I kept thinking about "what if" and then would get angry with myself for once again getting my hopes up. When I got home, I grabbed Mac and headed upstairs to change clothes. I had to pee, so I figured I might as well take the test (since I'd most likely forget in the morning). Within seconds we had 2 blue lines. So, I did what everyone in that situation does...take four more tests, just to make sure. All positive. I grabbed Mac and the tests and went downstairs to find Ryan, threw the tests on the counter and said, "What the hell do you think this means? There's no way I'm pregnant, right?"
Of course he looked at all the tests and laughed. He made some comment about how accurate these things are, but said that I shouldn't get my hopes up...maybe the Metformin and progesterone gave me a false positive. Our plan was to just stay calm (not discuss it too much) and wait until my doctor's appointment in the morning. Armed with all four positive pregnancy tests in my purse, I went to the doctor and had bloodwork done. They called later that afternoon and confirmed that yes, I was in fact PREGNANT. However, they wanted me to come back the following week and do another test to make sure my hCG levels were progressing normally. Thus began the five longest days of my life. So much waiting! I overanalyzed every single twinge, feeling and possible side-effect I had (which were ridiculous things like, "I'm not as cold as I was yesterday, obviously I'm no longer pregnant." Or "OMG, last week I had two cocktails at dinner, a turkey sandwich and I changed the cat litter. If I am pregnant, the baby is probably now deformed."). CRAZY. The following Tuesday afternoon, I got the results I'd been waiting for. My hCG numbers had not only doubled, they'd tripled! I was officially pregnant.
How far along are you?
Right now, I'm just over 14 weeks. I'm due July 29th, but will most likely have a scheduled c-section the week before, per my doctor's recommendation. That will put Mac and Baby Girl almost exactly two years and two months apart.
How do you already know the sex of the baby?
A few weeks ago I turned 35 (happy birthday to me!). As you may know, 35 = ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE. Advanced maternal age basically means my eggs are old and rotting and the chances of something being wrong with the baby are significantly higher. Significantly higher than when I was 33? No, but significantly higher than if I was 25 and they have to draw the line somewhere. I guess one of the perks of having a geriatric pregnancy is that you get a lot of special treatment from your OB and insurance company to make sure that the baby is healthy. The outcomes and statistics are scary enough just to think about, but when it's your child and you're also still terrified about another possible miscarriage, all those extra tests and attention are a good thing. My OB recommended I get an advanced screening test to rule out chromosomal abnormalities in the baby - it's a relatively new test that gathers fragments of the baby's DNA from the mother's blood and has a 99% accuracy rate of screening for possible chromosomal issues such as Down syndrome, Turner syndrome, Klinefelter syndrome and Jacobs syndrome. They can also determine the baby's sex, if you want to know. It's non-invasive and safe and accurate, so we went for it. We went through genetic counseling and over all the possible outcomes, which is scary, but good to know. We had a long ultrasound, where we got to see our little baby jumping around on the big screen. A week later, we had our results. All was normal - we have a healthy baby GIRL.
Were you hoping for a boy or a girl?
Honestly, I was hoping for another boy. Mostly for selfish reasons. I have three brothers, Ryan has a brother, we have a boy. We know boys. Neither of know the first thing about little girls - they're foreign to us. Also, we already have ALL the boy stuff! If it was a girl, I'd have to buy all new stuff (what a tragedy, huh? More shopping...poor me.). I also thought it would be nice for Mac to have a brother. I know how close my brothers are and how close Ryan and his brother are. I love my brothers to death, but a brother-sister relationship is just different than two boys. Boys also love their mama! I have a complicated relationship with my mother, but Ryan is the biggest mama's boy around (I mean that in a good way). The thought of having a daughter who may (and probably will) despise me for a good portion of her adolescent and teenage life is scary. So yeah, I wanted another boy.
However, as soon as they told me that it was a girl, I started to cry...big fat tears of joy. I think out of fear of the unknown, I didn't let myself fully appreciate how much I wanted a girl. But when I heard those words, I knew it was the greatest news ever. I am so excited about having a girl and it really feels right. One of each. I just adore the idea of that little perfect family. I think I've always been scared of having a daughter because I thought she'd be just like me (i.e. trouble), but that already happened - Mac is my mini and he's the worst child ever (kidding) and I love that about him! If she's like me, at least I'll know where she gets it and hopefully be one step ahead of her.
How has this pregnancy been different?
I think the biggest physical difference is the way I feel. SICK. With Mac I don't think I got even the slightest bit queasy even once. I couldn't walk down the raw meat section at the grocery store for about 2 weeks, but not much phased me. No morning sickness, no nausea, no smell aversions, no weird food issues. Everything tasted good. Especially tacos. Want to know how many tacos I've had with this pregnancy? NONE. Nothing sounds good. I've been living on bread, crackers and cheese, only because having food in my belly makes me feel less sick - therefore I've eaten 75 sleeves of Saltines over the last two months. I've had a couple puking sessions, but mostly just feel like crap all day. I'm not hungry. I have to force myself to eat. I have terrible headaches. I'm SO tired (that's the same). But, it's all starting to get better. The first trimester is over and I am finally feeling like myself again (albeit a bigger/rounder version of myself). Speaking of big and round, they weren't kidding when they said you show much sooner with your second pregnancy. Despite not eating much, by 8 weeks I looked like I did when I was 4 months pregnant with Mac. Now at 14 weeks, I look about like I did at 22 weeks with Mac. Yikes. Please tell me this slows down!
There's also a huge difference in my emotional state of being with this pregnancy. I mentioned previously that being pregnant after a miscarriage is scary. I can't even begin to explain how worried and nervous and just plain terrified I've been about losing the baby. I think it's partly because I now know just how fragile the whole experience is and how easy it is to lose. The thoughts, the worries, the nightmares - not an easy feeling to shake. I still don't have that comfortable positive attitude I had with Mac. I'm still scared. There are so many things that could go wrong. I reached out to Julia about this a while back and she gave me such wonderful advice - she said that each day she would chose to be happy because right then at that moment she was pregnant and all was well with the baby. It's a daily choice I have to make to be less scared and enjoy that moment. THIS moment. I can't predict the future, but right now, right here, I'm pregnant and all is well. Also, I do have one of those fetal Doppler's where I can hear the baby's heartbeat at home and this has really helped with my peace of mind. If I'm worried, I just lie down and listen to her heartbeat and immediately feel better.
It's also been harder this time around to tell people. Not only am I scared that by telling the world I'll somehow jinx everything, but I have so many more friends and family members and readers that are struggling to get pregnant that have supported me and confided in me over the last couple years. We've bonded over our shared experiences and our mutual desire for a baby. It's hard not to feel guilty for getting this, when you also feel like you're leaving people behind. I so badly want this same experience (perhaps without all the morning sickness) for everyone that wants a baby. We are so lucky and so blessed and sometimes I just don't feel like I deserve so much when others are still waiting for their turn. My heart goes out to everyone trying for a baby or dealing with loss. I wish I knew the right words to say to make everything better, but there just aren't any. I can just hope that I'm being as sensitive and compassionate as possible - the last thing I ever want to do is cause anyone in that situation more pain or heartache.
Have you told Mac? Does he understand?
We talk about the baby all the time to Mac, but I don't think he understands at all. I've pointed to my belly and mentioned the baby, but he has no idea. Usually when I say the word baby, he lays down in my arms like a baby for me to sing the "baby song" to him (a game we play). We've told him he's getting a baby sister and we will continue to talk to him about it, but I'm not sure how much it makes sense to him. I'll probably get a couple books about being an older sibling to read to him when we get closer to the due date, but until then, I don't think there's too much we can do.
Of course! Like with Mac, I doubt I'll do weekly updates or anything. Honestly, I don't think any of you give a shit about whether my rings are fitting, what size fruit the baby is or whether my belly button is in or out. I'll probably just do some periodic updates, photos and letters to the baby, like I did before. Don't worry, I'm keeping track of all that stuff for the official baby book. I also plan to blog extensively about prepping for the transition from 1 to 2, nursery ideas and inspiration (I have a secret pinboard started), plans for an in-home newborn photoshoot, my thoughts on a scheduled c-section, potential baby girl names, and all things pretty and pink! So many exciting things to talk about! I hope you'll stick around for the journey.
Ok, so that should get you all caught up. Surprise --> sick --> healthy --> girl --> giant bump --> 14 weeks. Here we are! I can't believe we get to do this again!
How did this happen?
Well I think we all know "how" babies are made, but I don't think that's what you were asking. :) As I mentioned in the last post, even though we had been "trying" for a while and seeing a fertility specialist, it was a bit of a shock. We were actually waiting for a long 70+ day cycle to end so we could begin a cycle with the fertility drugs. Yeah, we hadn't even started those! The Metformin I'd been taking (to manage my PCOS and prepare my ovaries for the fertility drugs) was enough on it's own this time to do the trick. I'd been taking the Metformin for a couple months and we were ready to move to the next level with low doses of Clomid and try our luck at IUI again (which worked with Mac). They gave me multiple doses of Progesterone to try to bring on a period that just wouldn't come, which was weird for me. Now we know why. Somewhere in the middle of it all, in early November, I must have ovulated and viola! I had an appointment to go back in to see the doctor on a Thursday morning to do an ultrasound and more bloodwork and she asked me to take one more pregnancy test before coming in, just to make sure. I was a little irritated, since I'd taken about a dozen over the course of this ridiculously long cycle at their request (those suckers aren't cheap), just to get the same negative result I knew I'd get. Anyway, on Wednesday, the day before my appointment, I had lunch with my friend Claire, where we spent a good hour over cheesecake discussing the state of my uterus and how shitty the whole infertility situation was. The funny thing is that she made some comment about my breasts looking huge and asked me if I was sure I wasn't pregnant. Apparently she has some kind of magic baby-sensing instinctual knowledge about these things (probably because she's had 4 kids). She also predicted my last pregnancy (also on the day I took the pregnancy test). That evening on my way home from work I stopped at the pharmacy and picked up yet another box of pregnancy tests. The whole ride home I kept thinking about "what if" and then would get angry with myself for once again getting my hopes up. When I got home, I grabbed Mac and headed upstairs to change clothes. I had to pee, so I figured I might as well take the test (since I'd most likely forget in the morning). Within seconds we had 2 blue lines. So, I did what everyone in that situation does...take four more tests, just to make sure. All positive. I grabbed Mac and the tests and went downstairs to find Ryan, threw the tests on the counter and said, "What the hell do you think this means? There's no way I'm pregnant, right?"
How far along are you?
Right now, I'm just over 14 weeks. I'm due July 29th, but will most likely have a scheduled c-section the week before, per my doctor's recommendation. That will put Mac and Baby Girl almost exactly two years and two months apart.
A few weeks ago I turned 35 (happy birthday to me!). As you may know, 35 = ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE. Advanced maternal age basically means my eggs are old and rotting and the chances of something being wrong with the baby are significantly higher. Significantly higher than when I was 33? No, but significantly higher than if I was 25 and they have to draw the line somewhere. I guess one of the perks of having a geriatric pregnancy is that you get a lot of special treatment from your OB and insurance company to make sure that the baby is healthy. The outcomes and statistics are scary enough just to think about, but when it's your child and you're also still terrified about another possible miscarriage, all those extra tests and attention are a good thing. My OB recommended I get an advanced screening test to rule out chromosomal abnormalities in the baby - it's a relatively new test that gathers fragments of the baby's DNA from the mother's blood and has a 99% accuracy rate of screening for possible chromosomal issues such as Down syndrome, Turner syndrome, Klinefelter syndrome and Jacobs syndrome. They can also determine the baby's sex, if you want to know. It's non-invasive and safe and accurate, so we went for it. We went through genetic counseling and over all the possible outcomes, which is scary, but good to know. We had a long ultrasound, where we got to see our little baby jumping around on the big screen. A week later, we had our results. All was normal - we have a healthy baby GIRL.
Were you hoping for a boy or a girl?
Honestly, I was hoping for another boy. Mostly for selfish reasons. I have three brothers, Ryan has a brother, we have a boy. We know boys. Neither of know the first thing about little girls - they're foreign to us. Also, we already have ALL the boy stuff! If it was a girl, I'd have to buy all new stuff (what a tragedy, huh? More shopping...poor me.). I also thought it would be nice for Mac to have a brother. I know how close my brothers are and how close Ryan and his brother are. I love my brothers to death, but a brother-sister relationship is just different than two boys. Boys also love their mama! I have a complicated relationship with my mother, but Ryan is the biggest mama's boy around (I mean that in a good way). The thought of having a daughter who may (and probably will) despise me for a good portion of her adolescent and teenage life is scary. So yeah, I wanted another boy.
How has this pregnancy been different?
I think the biggest physical difference is the way I feel. SICK. With Mac I don't think I got even the slightest bit queasy even once. I couldn't walk down the raw meat section at the grocery store for about 2 weeks, but not much phased me. No morning sickness, no nausea, no smell aversions, no weird food issues. Everything tasted good. Especially tacos. Want to know how many tacos I've had with this pregnancy? NONE. Nothing sounds good. I've been living on bread, crackers and cheese, only because having food in my belly makes me feel less sick - therefore I've eaten 75 sleeves of Saltines over the last two months. I've had a couple puking sessions, but mostly just feel like crap all day. I'm not hungry. I have to force myself to eat. I have terrible headaches. I'm SO tired (that's the same). But, it's all starting to get better. The first trimester is over and I am finally feeling like myself again (albeit a bigger/rounder version of myself). Speaking of big and round, they weren't kidding when they said you show much sooner with your second pregnancy. Despite not eating much, by 8 weeks I looked like I did when I was 4 months pregnant with Mac. Now at 14 weeks, I look about like I did at 22 weeks with Mac. Yikes. Please tell me this slows down!
It's also been harder this time around to tell people. Not only am I scared that by telling the world I'll somehow jinx everything, but I have so many more friends and family members and readers that are struggling to get pregnant that have supported me and confided in me over the last couple years. We've bonded over our shared experiences and our mutual desire for a baby. It's hard not to feel guilty for getting this, when you also feel like you're leaving people behind. I so badly want this same experience (perhaps without all the morning sickness) for everyone that wants a baby. We are so lucky and so blessed and sometimes I just don't feel like I deserve so much when others are still waiting for their turn. My heart goes out to everyone trying for a baby or dealing with loss. I wish I knew the right words to say to make everything better, but there just aren't any. I can just hope that I'm being as sensitive and compassionate as possible - the last thing I ever want to do is cause anyone in that situation more pain or heartache.
Have you told Mac? Does he understand?
We talk about the baby all the time to Mac, but I don't think he understands at all. I've pointed to my belly and mentioned the baby, but he has no idea. Usually when I say the word baby, he lays down in my arms like a baby for me to sing the "baby song" to him (a game we play). We've told him he's getting a baby sister and we will continue to talk to him about it, but I'm not sure how much it makes sense to him. I'll probably get a couple books about being an older sibling to read to him when we get closer to the due date, but until then, I don't think there's too much we can do.
(first official bump photo)
Are you going to blog about the pregnancy?Of course! Like with Mac, I doubt I'll do weekly updates or anything. Honestly, I don't think any of you give a shit about whether my rings are fitting, what size fruit the baby is or whether my belly button is in or out. I'll probably just do some periodic updates, photos and letters to the baby, like I did before. Don't worry, I'm keeping track of all that stuff for the official baby book. I also plan to blog extensively about prepping for the transition from 1 to 2, nursery ideas and inspiration (I have a secret pinboard started), plans for an in-home newborn photoshoot, my thoughts on a scheduled c-section, potential baby girl names, and all things pretty and pink! So many exciting things to talk about! I hope you'll stick around for the journey.
Ok, so that should get you all caught up. Surprise --> sick --> healthy --> girl --> giant bump --> 14 weeks. Here we are! I can't believe we get to do this again!
