A Letter to My Daughter - 22 Weeks

Dear Mim,

We are now officially past the halfway point of this pregnancy and the weeks just seem to be flying by.  My daily calendar says that you are now the length and weight of a football, which just blows my mind.  My bump is getting bigger and rounder by the day and I absolutely love it.  I'm one of those crazy proud mamas that love to show off my big belly and I honestly can't wait until it's even larger!  Even being the size of a football, I think you have plenty of room to move around in there.  You seem to be practicing your high kicks and karate chops lately and I absolutely adore feeling you move around, flip, kick and punch.  Your dad felt you kick (hard!) last week for the first time and I wish you could have seen his whole face light up.  It never gets old.  At our 20 week ultrasound you were such a little wiggler that we had a hard time getting some of the photos.  At one point you had your legs fully extended all the way over your head, toes pointed and all.  I think we might have another gymnast in the family.  Right now you usually have a dance party in my belly every morning around 7:30 a.m. and every evening right before I go to bed.  I have been resting my book on top of my bump each night and you try to kick it off.  It's a fun little game we play.  I can already tell you're strong and have a great sense of humor.  You're kicking like crazy right now. 

(our little gymnast at 20 weeks)

I had my 21 week OB appointment last week and you are measuring right on track.  Your heartbeat sounded strong and steady, around 140 bpm.  At this time you have fingernails, hair (white hair), eyebrows, tooth buds and a sense of taste and smell.  I still wonder about what kind of eater you'll be, since I have virtually zero cravings this time around.  The only thing that I really want these days is the occasional glass of lemonade.  So different than the intense chicken taco and chocolate milk cravings I had with Mac.  It's probably for the best though, since I would really like to avoid that 60+ pound weight gain I had with him.  At 21 weeks I'm up only 6 pounds, which feels like it should be much more based on the size of my bump.  I did start out a bit heavier this time around, so I'm sure it'll all even out in the end.  I believe my biggest weight gain with Mac was during the third trimester and most of it was swelling, so there's still plenty of time for me to blow up.  But I don't want to be one of those preggos that stresses about gaining weight or complains about being "fat" so I'm just going to shut up about that now.  Bring on the belly!  

We are slowly but surely getting things ready for you at home.  My to do list is about 16 pages long, but we're getting there.  We've been moving things out of your future bedroom and making room for all your beautiful girly stuff.  I've ordered your crib, sheets, changing pad, wall hangings and the rug for your nursery, which should all be coming in the next week or two.  Our UPS man is going to be sick of us.  I've been picking up odds and ends here and there over the last couple months, but we still have a ways to go.  I'm hesitant to get too much stuff right now until I actually see the room and how it all works together.  We still need to put a fresh coat of white paint on the walls and install a ceiling fan (your dad is on it).  Then there's furniture painting and lots of crafting to do.  I hope it all comes together soon so I can stop worrying about it.  It's going to be feminine and classic.  I know you won't be using the room right away, but I do want to get some photographs of you in there during your newborn shoot, which I'm also in the process of booking right now.  So much to do! 

I've said it before, but this pregnancy has been really different than my fist.  This terrible never-ending cold winter has brought a lot of illness and cabin fever to our home.  I've had two head colds and two rounds of the stomach flu, on top of 17 weeks of morning (noon and night) sickness. My last head cold recently developed into a horrible sinus infection, giving me headaches, toothaches and full body aches.  I've been on antibiotics for nearly two weeks now and think I might finally be kicking it.  I'm hoping that all this illness will at least help build up your immune system.  I hate to think all this suffering has been in vain.  I'm ready to start feeling better so I can truly enjoy and appreciate these last few months of being pregnant.  Every time I think about this being my last pregnancy I get incredibly emotional.  Even with the sickness, I really truly LOVE being pregnant.  I love my big round belly; I love feeling you move; I love knowing I'm protecting you; I love the bond we are already forming; I love dreaming about who you'll be; I love it all.  I think pregnancy brings out the best qualities in me and it's really been the happiest times of my life. I hate that we're already halfway through this pregnancy, because I want this feeling to last forever.  But I know that can't happen, so my thoughts move to the day in the not-so-distant future when I finally get to meet you and hold you, which will be even better than this.  

As you can probably tell, I'm very emotional these days.  Especially when I think about you and our future.  I worry so much about whether I'll be a good "girl mom" and if we'll grow up to be friends when you're older.  Having a daughter is a responsibility that I do not take lightly and I so badly want to do right by you and help you become a confident, smart, independent woman.  I worry about the example I set for you and how my choices will affect you years from now. I worried about these things so much less with your brother, probably because I knew he had your father to idolize and I have all the confidence in the world in that man being a good example.  Me...not so much.  I've made so many mistakes and I know I'll continue to make them with you.  I just hope you're patient with me and aren't too hard on me during those rough teenage years.  I really have no idea what to expect, but I promise you I'll do my best.

So with that, little girl, I'm off to bed.  Mama and baby need their beauty rest.  I hope you have sweet dreams of me, as I know I'll be dreaming of you.  

Love, 

Your mama