Mac Says

While eating dinner:

Mac: Look how much food I ate. I ate almost all the food. That was a lot of food. Like 80 bites. My tummy's so full it's hot. Smoking hot. I think that means I need to go race. Who wants to race?!!!

Me: Mac, what's your favorite animal?

Mac: Stingray.

Me: What's your favorite color?

Mac: Green.

Me: What's your favorite food?

Mac: Junk.

Me: Mac, do you want to go to the grocery store with me?

Mac: No, I want to stay here with daddy. But how about you bring me home a cookie? 

Me: No, that's no the way it works. You don't get a cookie for staying home. 

Mac: Hmm...well that's going to be a problem. 

Greeting him after getting home from work:

Me: Hi honey, how was your day?

Mac: I'm not your honey, honey.

Mac: When I'm a thousand years old I'm going to be bigger than daddy.

Me: Well, maybe. You'll probably just be dead.

Mac: Yeah, probably because a dinosaur ate me. 

While geocaching around our neighborhood:

Me: I don't know, the next one is pretty far away.

Mac: Don't worry, I can handle it. I promise my butt won't get too tired as I sit in the wagon and you pull me.

Me: Mac, do you want to go with me to vote?

Mac: Do we get to go fishing too?

Me: No, we're going to stop and vote on the way to school.

Mac: Where's the boat?

Me: No, not boat...VOTE with a V, like velociraptor.

Mac: Will there be a velociraptor there?!!!

Me: No, just a place to vote. You just press a button.

Mac: Oh. No thanks.

After voting:

Mac: Well, that was boring. Why do grownups like doing boring stuff? They didn't even have toys or suckers.

When walking him into preschool, to his teacher:

Me: Sorry we're a few minutes late. Traffic.

Mac: It took FOREVER at that stupid stop sign. My mom hates that stupid stop sign. 

After school:
Me: You know, Mim missed you while you're at school. She asks where you are.

Mac: Sometimes I miss Mim when I'm at school. 

Me: Awwww...that's so sweet.

Mac: Well, I only missed her that one time. 

Mac: Hey mama, do you want to play that racing game with me?

Me: No honey, I don't really want to play right now.

Mac: It's ok that you're a really bad driver.

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Mac: Daddy.
Me: You want to be a daddy?
Mac: No, my daddy.
Me: Do you know what your daddy does for work?
Mac: He's a grown-up so he has to go to meetings. It's so boring.

Me: What do you want to do today?
Mac: Let's go to Florida!
Me: That would be so much fun.
Mac: But Mim can't go. No sisters allowed.
Me: Can I go? Did you know that I'm someone's sister?
Mac: You're a sister? Ewwwwwww!!!

Me: What do you want for lunch?
Mac: Peanut butter and jelly!
Me: We're out of bread, sorry.
Mac: Ok. Guess I'll probably just starve then.

While attempting to tell him a joke:
Me: Knock knock.
Mac: Knock knock.
Me: No, I say 'knock knock' and you say 'who's there?'
Me: Knock knock.
Mac: Knock knock.
Me: Ok, who's there?
Mac: Who's there?
Me: Banana.
Mac: I DON'T WANT A BANANA!!
Me: Never mind.

During dinner:

Me: Eat your chicken.

Mac: How many bites?

Me: All of it. 

Mac: If I eat 80 bites of chicken can I have a cookie?

Me: 80 bites? Yes, probably.

Mac: How about 2?

Me: No.

Mac: Life's not fair.

While building a leprechaun trap:

Me: You know, leprechauns are really fast and sneaky. It's not easy to catch one.

Mac: I'm really fast too. Probably faster than a leprechaun.

Me: Well, don't be disappointed if we don't get one.

Mac: I think we will. And I'm going to keep him in the basement in a cage with my crickets and get him out and have races with him. I'll feed him potatoes and let him have all his friends over for dance parties.

Me: Hmmmm...

While picking out our nightly movie...

Me: How about The Good Dinosaur?

Mim: Arlo!! Arlo!! Dinosaur!!

Mac: I don't want to watch that movie, I want to watch the movie with the Iguanodon, where the the Quetzalcoatlus drops the egg and the  Xenotarsosaurus has all those teeth and the Diplodocus jumps up and eats those leaves and sneezes and the the Yingshanosaurus is really thirsty and the Coelophysis chases them away. You know, that one.

Me: Okay...

After nap:

Me: Hey, I think the neighbor girls are outside. Do you want to go out and play with them?

Mac: Ugh. I guess. They all want to play with me and I only want to play with Molly. 

Me: Hmmm...it must be hard being so popular.

Mac: Yeah, it really is. 

To Mim while he thinks I'm not listening...

Mac: Mim, do you want a cookie? Say you want a cookie. Do you want a cookie? Tell mommy you want a cookie. Cookie? Cookie?

Mim: COOKIE! COOKIE! COOKIE! COOKIE! COOKIE! 

Mac: Mama, Mimmy really wants a cookie and she ate all her food so we should get each get one. She's such a good eater. And I love her. 

At pre-school drop-off:

Me: Try to have a good day at school.

Mac: I'll try, but I'd rather just stay home and eat cookies all day. 

Me: Me too, kid.

At bedtime:

Mac: How about we read 5 books and 3 songs. 

Me: Two books and 1 song.

Mac: 7 books and 18 songs.

Me: 1 book and 1 song.

Mac: 1,000 books and 80 songs.

Me: 0 books and 0 songs.

Mac: A MILLION BOOKS!!

Me: I don't think you quite understand how negotiations work yet.

Mac: Am I winning?

Me: I love you, honey.

Mac: Yeah, I know. You say that all the time.